Struggling: present participle of strug·gle (Verb)

I think I am struggling to find my place as a new mother, wife, and a friend.  It is amazing how my life has changed over the past 3 years.  Some say that the 9 months of pregnancy prepares you some what for what the future holds with having children and I am now realizing that it is true in certain ways.  I truly have a new respect for working (and non-working) mothers. The LONG 9 months of pregnancy were super boring and pretty lonely for me so I had many nights at home by myself and I find myself in that same boat now.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my little munchkin and would not change a thing but adult interaction is lacking.  And when I say I need adult interaction, I mean people other that the in-laws a couple of houses down and my husband. What most people don’t realize about my husband is that he doesn’t have a typical work schedule like the typical 9-5 worker.  He works 24 hours on, then he will have 48 hours off.  It is just an ongoing cycle.  So holidays and “weekends” vary.  It also doesn’t help that every Saturday he has off from the fire station he bartends at a small little local establishment for what we call “spending money”.  So if he is at the fire station all day and night Friday, Saturday he goes to work at 4pm, and then attempts to sleep in on Sunday.  That weekend is shot for me.

Who wouldn't love my munchkin!

I guess the struggling part is how I can still keep somewhat of a social life and keep the family life in tact.  My life revolves around my husbands shift and I knew that going into the relationship but I have a hard time with it a certain times.  Maybe it is too early to make any rash diagnosis or start therapy.  Also, I have a strong feeling that it might just be the winter blues and when the weather changes, all will be fixed.  I truly think one can go insane spending so much time indoors during the cold of the Kansas winter.

Silver Platter? More like an Acrylic Plate

So I recently accepted a job offer at an opticians office up the street from my house. No more 40 minute drive to work!! Hollar. I am taking on a completely new career path and I am super excited but also nervous.  Excited because it is something new and I have never worked in the healthcare field and nervous for the same reason.  I am going to be the new girl who knows nothing about this field except for the fact that contacts are expensive, especially for blind people.  Since I will be starting school the same week I start this job, I will slowly be gaining knowledge on the healthcare industry.

I wonder how many people are doing what they love or what they have dreamed of.  Truth be told, I never dreamed that I would be working for an eye doctor but it is where I am at this point.  The long-term goal is to become a certified medical coder and be able to work from home.  Who knows, maybe someone will pay me to write a blog on a weekly basis.  I think as I have gotten older my priorities have changed.  I am not working to be rich, I am working to be comfortable and happy.  Don’t get me wrong, lots of money would be nice but my life is not going to revolve around it. My dream would be to have a stay at home or part-time job that enables me to stay at home with my child(ren).  A girl can dream right?

It is amazing that you can look around at your peers and notice that some of these people will never have to work in their life because their mom and dad will take care of them.  Pretty sad that your parents have worked so hard in their life and you sit back and enjoy the benefits.  My parents still are working hard but if I asked them for $5.00 they would laugh and say, “you have a job, don’t you?”  Yes I do.  I would love to have an endless bank account but what kind of person would that make me.  Spending money all day doesn’t sound like very much fun.  Sitting at home doesn’t sound like that much fun either, maybe in the summer if I had a pool.  God, just not having a mortgage payment would be the best situation.

The reason I bring this up is because I see many people my age not working or still living off their parents.  Sure parents help you out when needed but you are 30 years old, you can pay for your cell phone bill.  My parents taught us that if we wanted things in life we had to work for it.  It sucked so bad growing up but it has made me into the person I am today.  I want my daughter to know that she will need to work for the finer things in life.  She will have a job and she will pay for the things she wants later in life.  How in the world will she learn anything if I give her the world on a silver platter?  I will spoil her now in the first couple months of her life but she will know work ethic at an early age.

The Rule of 3's

Started the new job last week so life has been kind of hectic lately, hence no blog posts.  The new job is great.  The doctors are great and it keeps me busy which is exactly what I was looking for.  Oh, if you didn’t know I started a job at an eye doctors office up the street from my house.  Now you are caught up.

It is amazing how exhausted I have become lately, especially after working all day.  By the time I get home all I can think about is bedtime for Maggie and I.  Come on 9 o’clock.  Maggie is sleeping all night so I am the usually waking her up at 6:30am.  O h how the tables have turned.  It has been a rough couple of weeks for our family.  The beloved Jayhawk’s lost to some random team in the NCAA Tourney and for the first time in years, I wasn’t devastated.   Don’t get me wrong, I wanted them to win but I am not going to let it ruin my day or week.  Plus I didn’t really have any money on basketball this year.  Then we had one of our close friends lose his father.  Super sad.  I can’t even express how that tears me up inside.  Then we had another close friend suffer a stroke and have to bypass surgery for a second time.  Super scary couple of weeks.  Emotions are running high but I can’t let it bring me down because I have my little munchkin to take care of.  Just have to tell myself to stay strong for that little girl.

Hopefully all the bad has past and we can look forward to the future.  I am counting the Jayhawk’s loss as one of the bad things that has happened because of that whole “bad things happens in 3’s” expression.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Our little Maggie is 2 weeks old today.  Wow.  All I have done in the past couple of weeks is stare at the most beautiful little girl EVER.  I know everyone says that about their child but my husband and I made one good-looking kid.

As I sit around and stare at this little wonder, all I can think about is how am I going to go back to work.  I wish that we were lucky enough to survive on only my husbands income but that is not in the cards for us.  If we pinched our pennies every month I’m sure we could make it work with one income.  The drawbacks of that would be my husband working his ass off year round and he wouldn’t have the time or energy for his family.  So I am now in search of the not only the perfect job but a career.

So I am a 28-year-old with no college degree.  I get so embarrassed when I say that but it is the truth.  How can I still not know what I want to do when I grow up!  So many of my friends have these wonderful jobs that they have dreamed about and on the other hand, I have many friends going back to school to change careers.  I have looked into going back to school but for what.  Nursing sounds like a great career but the sight of blood and needles is disgusting.  I have looked into cosmetology but how can I go to school full-time with no income to pay for school.  Sales is out of the question, been there done that.  I cannot sell someone a product or service I don’t believe in.  Why can’t I find something that I absolutely love and that pays well?  I guess I have to find what I love to do before that job comes along.

So what do I do now.  I just received a job offer last week that could be promising but it could cause problems down the road.  The job is an events coordinator position and it also is a personal assistant position. The personal assistant part is what I have a problem with.  How can someone not be able to do certain things for themselves. I will end that rant here and now.  I know that I could do the events coordinator job with no problem.  The events sound like fun but my life also revolves around my husbands schedule.  As a firefighter, he works 24 hours on and 48 hours off. So, I have to be able to get our little nugget to daycare in the morning and picked up by 5:30pm every weekday.  With all the events and personal assisting that is needed for that job, late hours and weekends will be required.  Another reason I worry about this job is that I work with this company on a charity event once a year and do not want to ruin the relationship that we have built over the last 5 years.  What to do, what to do.

So I basically need a 9 to 5 job that pays well, has reasonable vacation time, and is in Kansas (I would love something close to my house).   Any suggestions would be lovely.