Social anxiety. Not even five years ago I was the social butterfly. I loved going to bars with my friends and party it up with the best of them. It seems like in the past couple years I have developed what many say is social anxiety. Actually I have just self diagnosed myself. I want to be able to go meet my friends downtown for dinner and/or drinks without the constant unsure feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. It is such a strange feeling that is hard to describe. The awkward feeling of having to go to house parties, busy bars or restaurants, even family events makes my stomach turn. I have noticed that when I get nervous when in social situations, I cling to my husband. Who knows why I do it or where this anxiety comes from, all I know is that I hope it goes away.
The anxiety bug it me many years ago when I was able to travel more often. I seemed to become very anxious before getting on an airplane so I asked my doctor to prescribe me something to help. Little did I realize that most drugs for anxiety suggest not drinking while taking them. How am I supposed to take a Southwest flight without using my drink tickets? All the pills did was make me get drunk a little faster than normal, not what I needed.
As I sit here with my 6 week old daughter on a Saturday night, a busy bar sounds amazing. I think the anxiety is fueled by my constant worrying. I worry about having too many drinks and not being able to drive home (there are no cabs in my area, and they won’t drive out to us either). I worry about my husband getting home safe. I worry about money. I worry about my parents. I think I worry too much. My husband is always telling me to call up my friends and go out or invite them over. It sounds like a simple thing to do, right? Nope. I think my husband thinks that my girlfriends are just sitting around waiting to go out and about. What he doesn’t realize is that they are married and or dating, they have jobs and some are going back to school, and don’t have children. It was so much easier when we all lived downtown and could do happy hour any day of the week. I miss those days. Next weekend will be a true test of my social anxiety, a bridal shower and bachelorette party in the same day. Hopefully I can at least make it to one of the events.