So I’m two weeks post chemotherapy and still am struggling to get better. This round as been the absolute worse by far. I had the brilliant idea of self medicating starting the day of the treatment in hopes of staying ahead of the side effects. Nope. Failed. Only I would get every side effect that each drug could give me. So basically I have been popping Ambien, Imodium, Hydrocodone, and various other pain pills. I’m frustrated with my treatment plan and honestly believe that I’m receiving too much chemotherapy. The treatment and after effects are getting worse each time and have begun interfere with my ability to stay positive. I want to quit. I want to get a second opinion. I want this to be over.
One of my main battles is my taste and appetite, or lack there of. My mouth feels as though it was torched and then wrapped in a fuzzy sweater. Gross. Both food and drink tastes awful and I just force enough down to stay alive. My weight is dropped to 118lbs which is pretty close to what I weighed in high school. It’s feels super strange and not in a good way. All I dream about is food. I want pasta from Osteria Il Centro. I want a Winsteds cheeseburger with crispy onion rings. I want a slab of ribs from Gates BBQ. Seriously, I just think about eating all day.
This week will hopefully be a game changer. I have my first MRI scan since I have been diagnosed and hopefully it will come back tumor free and the lymph nodes clear. My hope is to have a clean scan and then get the amount of chemotherapy reduced for my next treatment. I’m scared to death to have my next treatment, especially if they don’t change it. I feel like I set up to fail on the dosage that I am on and that it will make things worse. I also meet with my breast surgeon this week to go over my surgery. Hopefully the surgeon will have some words of encouragement to help me get through the next couple months. I pray that I have the strength to make it through the rest of my chemo without any major hiccups. I pray that my family stays strong. I pray that I can eat at the Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Company.